Baby Babble

People ask me often, almost daily in fact, if we’re planning on adding to our little family.
When we were in Portland, we visited Rob Kugler, a former professor of mine from Gonzaga who is now at Lewis and Clark College. Toward the end of our visit — he officiated our wedding and we hadn’t seen him since our wedding day so we had quite a bit to catch up on — asked us if we were thinking about having more kids, saying something about how it may be too soon to ask.
Oh, gosh, no. Ha!
I don’t remember when people started asking me if we want more kids but it really wasn’t long after Lyla was born. I’d say when she was about two months old.
Now, I tell people I decided while I was pregnant I would be willing and able to do pregnancy one more time, and I would love for our little girl to have a sibling.
Jason has taken a wait and see approach. I believe his exact words have been, “Let’s see how this one goes first.”
He has a younger brother, David, and they are six and a half years apart.
I have an older sister, Elizabeth, who is nearly 12 years older than me. We are half sisters.
My thinking has been that if we do have another one it would be good for Lyla to have a sibling closer in age than either of ours.
I have, believe it or not, actually researched what is the ideal amount of time between kids that is most beneficial for the children, their adjustment to one another, as well as for the family.
According to this article “a study published in the New England Journal of Medicine suggests that parents should wait 18 to 23 months after a full-term birth before conceiving again. The average age gap between siblings in America is about two and a half years – which means that the average parent has been following this advice.”
That’s about the spacing my friends with more than one kiddo have gone with and I think it makes sense. And like the article goes on to state, the study is talking more about health of the kids than anything else, but parents have other factors to consider when they are looking to expand their families.
For me, I would like to be done with pregnancy before I turn 35. I am 32 today. I will be 33 in September. Because I am already high risk due to my type 2 diabetes, it seems wise to not push it more by entering the “advanced maternal age” category, as well.
So, that means I have a fairly narrow window in which to get pregnant with a second child. I have promised Jason that we don’t have to make a decision until Lyla turns 2. I feel like that’s a reasonable point at which we can discuss it and go from there.
There are days where I look at my family room and think that Babies R Us exploded in it. Those are the times I think, “You know, Lyla is plenty.”
But there are other times I look at her sweet smile and ponder how she would do with a little brother or sister, what would it be like to have one more amazing kiddo to make my life that much brighter, that much more amazing.
I feel so lucky to be Lyla’s mom I’m not even sure I deserve to have another gift like her.
Still, I do think that’s something I want to do.
A long time ago, when Jason and I were first married, we had agreed than when we did have kids we would have two at the most. Surprisingly, I still feel like that was the right decision for us as a couple, and for our family.
Also, given the fact that another pregnancy would mean all of the trials and tribulations of high risk, I don’t think I could put my body through that again or my mental health. It was worth it for Lyla.
That’s the choice we’ve made and I am totally cool with it.
I am never offended when people ask if we plan to have more children though I think sometimes people worry if it’s an appropriate question to ask.
I promise, it would take so much more than that to offend me, so feel free to ask that or about anything else. If I’m not comfortable answering a question, I’ll tell you, but generally speaking there’s only two subject areas I won’t talk about and kids or families aren’t in there.
And don’t worry, if I do get pregnant again, I promise my dear readers you will all be among the first to know. After, of course, we tell our families and immediate friends. And that’s assuming I know I’m even pregnant before the first trimester ends. Heh.
I’ll keep you posted. Promise.